this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
