when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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