There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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