I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
