I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
