My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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