take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
