You made eat vitamins until I threw up
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
