You work out of a Hotel?
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
