I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
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