He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
