Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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