Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
