I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
