If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
