Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
