listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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