Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
