I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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