I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
