I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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