This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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