If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
