Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
