I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
