woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
