There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
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