I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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