: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Small penises have feelings too.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
My penis needs a shock collar
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
