I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
