dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
