OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
