omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
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