so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
