i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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