I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
