I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
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