If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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