And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
