remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Let's paint friendship bongs
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
