Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
