What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
