During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
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I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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