I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
last night I used snow as a chaser
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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