The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Randomize
