So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
