apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
