Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
