But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Randomize
