she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
