You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
