My hair reeks of homosexuality.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
