So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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