He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
