Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
