I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
