woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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