Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
