thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
you inspire me to be a worse person
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My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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