You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
